CHEERS TO 2022

 

I know it's been a few weeks since I graced you with my blog...sorry my mind has been elsewhere and my heart just hasn't been in it until now.  My mind has been so out of focus I even forgot my mother's 91st birthday.   I apologized and she forgave me.  Us mothers are usually quick to forgive our children when they mess up and vise versa, our children are hopefully quick to forgive us when we mess up.  I know as a parent I made a lot of mistakes.  My children can probably give you a list of them.  Anyway onto my reason for writing today....

2022 is here!  As we enter this new year my priorities in life have changed quite a bit.  It's no longer important for me to give my children or grandchildren the best present for Christmas or their birthdays.  What is important is creating memories.  So for Christmas this year Jerry and I cut our present giving in half and instead booked rooms up in Gaylord, Michigan for all of our family.  For four day we got to swim, some tried skiing, most went tubing and all of us went on a sleigh ride through the woods and drank hot chocolate.  We laughed and ate and laughed and ate.  To me this time together was more priceless than any gift.  

Although I did get a gift from my son on Christmas eve that literally wrecked me.  A silver locket with "mom" on the front and his picture inside.  That way he is always with me no matter what happens.  That gift was priceless and one I will cherish forever.  I can never put a price tag on that gift.  But spending time with him and our family right now is more important than anything.  Family to me has been a precious gift God has blessed me with and I am so grateful.  For many years I got lost in the commercial side of Christmas, it's easy to do.  I'm sure most of you at one time or another has done the same.  I wanted to give my children and grandchildren the best gift.  Well now I know the best gift I can give them is my time and energy.

2022...there is not one of us who knows what this year will bring.  None of us know whether we will survive this year or not.  What is important to me is this...Love God and Love Others!  Also it's important for me to know where I am spending eternity.  Do you know where you will spend eternity?  Some of you may assume hat because you're a "good person" you will go to heaven.  I suggest you read the Bible because no where does it say that all "good people" will go to heaven.  Sorry if this is offensive to you but time is running out on all of us.  Day after day we come closer to our lives ending and eternity is a long time to spend in hell.

God will not ask you what religion you are...He won't ask you how any times you went to church...He will not say "you're a good person, enter".  He will ask "Did you believe in My Son, Jesus Christ?"  So think about it please.  Do you truly believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God?  Do you believe that He was crucified, died and rose from the dead for the forgiveness of your sins?  Do you believe Jesus is seated at the right hand of God?  I pray that 2022 is the year God speaks His truth to you hearts.   

IT JUST TAKES TIME

 

These oranges are in a process right now.  They are slowly ripening, but it takes times.  It doesn't happen overnight.  In fact when we are out in Arizona in February the oranges are ripe and bright orange, by the time we leave in March the new blossoms are filling the trees.  It's an 11 month process for an orange to ripen on the tree.  This also depends on the proper conditions, and fertilizer and water.  It's a waiting game but the reward is so tasty!!!!

"Good things come to those who wait" This old saying is very true but it's not easy to wait on God when you're praying for a miracle.  I want to hear "Sean has been healed...it has to be a miracle from God."   I believe it will happen but I want it NOW!   I feel like the spoiled girl in the movie "Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory"   You know the one who says..."I want an Oompa Loompa and I want it now daddy!"  Well sometimes that is probably how my prayers sound to God.  Okay I can laugh about that because it's true.  Just like these green oranges take time to ripen, sometimes miracles take time to come true.  

Waiting, trusting, believing, and patience....miracles takes time, healing takes time.  I will be honest this process can seem very daunting and rather sucky at times.  I don't mind waiting, don't get me wrong, but when you're talking about one of my family's health I don't want to wait, I want it now!!!  Is there a magic genie somewhere that will grant me 3 wishes?  Is there a magic potion to give Sean that will wipe this junk out of his body?  Of course I'm being silly but sometimes my mind wanders into these absurd areas.  Am I the only one who thinks up these questions?  

BUT GOD...knows where I'm coming from.  BUT GOD...knows my heart.  BUT GOD...loves Sean in spite (or maybe because) of his goofy mom.  BUT GOD....BUT GOD...BUT GOD...steps into where I am and reassures me that He is in control.  I just have to keep waiting and trusting and believing.   I've got to stop pounding my head on the floor and surrender my son to God's Almighty plan and purpose.  So I lay my son at the foot of the cross and allow God to do what I cannot and I just have to trust in Him and His timing.    

LIFE IS LIKE A......

 

"My mom always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.”...Forrest Gump

These 3 precious grandchildren....you never know what you're gonna get...they have a keen sense of humor and love to play tricks, so beware!!  They are so much fun and it's always an adventure to be with them.   That's life isn't it?   Well, life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get, that is until you bite into it or break it open.  Unless you have a box of chocolates with  a diagram that tells you which chocolate with which filling is in what space.  My grandma Roberts always gave me chocolates for Christmas but the one she gave me always had a diagram so you knew hat you'd get.  But life does not always come with a diagram, and there is no directions.  These 3 cuties came with no instruction manual and neither did I when I was born.  

Life is like a box of chocolates...you never know what you're gonna get.  I never imagined in my wildest dreams, or nightmares, that I would be watching one of my children deal with "c".  I did my best during their life to feed them good food, I took them to the doctors, and on top of all of that I prayed for their health daily.  So what happened?  How did this happen to my baby boy?  I don't understand why.  It can be so frustrating to try to figure these things out, in fact it's impossible. It's hard for me to explain but I am sick and tired of trying to figure things out.  In fact I am done trying to figure things out.

It's sort of funny to me when I finally stop trying to figure out what's going on and why, there is a peace that surpasses all understanding.  It's not up to me to figure out what's happening or why, it's my job to trust in God and believe in His ways, even if I don't always agree.  God's ways are so much higher than mine.  His thoughts, His plans are so much better than mine.  I don't always understand and to be honest I don't always like His plans, but I trust in them and I trust in Him.  

While this journey is not fun, it has helped me connect with God in a very profound way...He is with me like I've never experienced Him before.  His presence is very real to me.  As I sit here and type His Holy Spirit lives in me and has empowered me to stand in faith during this time.  There is a song by CeCe Winans called..."Believe For It!"  It has greatly inspired me to keep believing in miracles because my God is the God of the impossible.  And while I said there was no instruction manual, I lied....there is the best instruction manual in the world...The Bible!!  It will guide us through any stage in life, it has greatly helped me during this time.  It can help you also, whether it raising your children, or dealing with a storm.  

So eat some chocolate, enjoy this Holy time of year and don't worry or fret about what's in the chocolate....

 

WATCH OUT...I'M COMING FOR YOU

 

Watch out Satan....you can't handle what the power of God can do through a mother that is filled with the Holy Spirit!!  The Spirit of the living God lives in me and His power and strength flows through me.  There is no power in hell that can stand against the power of my God!!!  Not today!  Not any day!  My God is an awesome God who reigns in Heaven and Earth.  Whether you believe in God or not, He reigns!  He is in control!  The same power who raised Jesus from the dead...that power lives in me through the Holy Spirit!!!  That gives me access to the supernatural power of God!   That gives me confidence I cannot have in my own power, for when I am weak, He is strong.   One of my favorites....

Isaiah 40: 28-31  Do you not know?  Have you not heard?  The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.  He will not grow tired or weary, and His understanding no one can fathom.  He gives strength to the weary, and increases the power of the weak.  Even youth will grow tired and weary, and young men will stumble and fall, BUT those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint.  

This storm will not defeat me.   The enemy has whispered in my ears many times in the last 3 months "You're not strong enough to withstand this storm."  And i will admit there are times I don't feel strong enough and if I may be 100% honest....I'm not strong enough to handle this storm...BUT GOD is!!  It is His strength I rely on.  It is His power at work in me that has gotten me to this point in this journey.  It's not easy, it's not for the faint at heart BUT GOD is with me.  God is in control, not me and certainly not the enemy.  The thing is the enemy thinks he's in control....he's delusional.  Satan is a liar, a thief and a deceiver.  He will do whatever he can to try to steal, kill and destroy me...BUT GOD has me in the palm of His hands.  

I seriously don't know how people get through this without God.  Without my faith and belief I would be lost.  God is my strength!  God is my refuge!  God is my fortress!   God is my rock!!  God is my heavenly Daddy!!  

"I AM A CHILD OF GOD, A WOMAN OF FAITH, A WARRIOR OF CHRIST

I AM THE STORM!!!!"   

CHOOSE JOY? SERIOUSLY? NOW?

 It’s that time of year!   The Christmas Season is now upon us.  As the celebration of the birth of my Savior draws near, my thoughts probe deeper into being in the presence of Jesus Christ.  Why is it that it sometimes takes trials to draw closer to my Lord?  Especially this time of year?  Why does it sometimes take a trial or a holiday to draw closer to God?  I mean He is always on my mind and in my heart but sometimes I guess I just need to be stirred up, you know what I mean?  I can get so comfortable in my warm and toasty home watching Hallmark movies that I forget to sit in His presence, I forget to read His Word and I can get lost “doing Christmas stuff”.   That makes me sad to admit that, but I’m human and I am a sinner.

Life is a journey of ups and downs and this year is no exception.   But instead of me focusing on Sean’s disease, I’m going to do my best to focus on the here and now.  Instead of being mad or depressed I’m going to choose joy.  Being in the very presence of Jesus Christ has changed me for the better I hope.  Finding my joy in Him takes focus on what’s wrong.  While it’s not as easy for others to choose joy, I’ve made a decision to embrace life and live it to the fullest.   I could easily look back with regrets and dwell on what’s wrong with Sean, and what’s wrong with this world, but why?  Why should I waste one second dwelling on the negative?   Isn’t there enough negativity is this world?  I want to focus on the endless possibilities that Jesus Christ died to give me.  

I choose joy!   I choose hope!  I choose life!   I have not seen my son depressed of questioning God.   Sean has a hope that lives deep in his heart.  There is a trust that God will work through the doctors to heal him.  I stand in awe of my son and what he is going through, I honestly don’t know if I could go through what he’s going through.  His strength and determination comes from God.  His healing will also come through God.  Sean was baptized as a baby but I’ll never forget that Christmas Eve service at Cedar Creek Church where my son officially gave his life over to Jesus Christ, it was the best Christmas gift I ever received.   He has the promise of eternity in Heaven.  For that fact alone….I choose JOY!  

We all have choices to make, joy or sorrow, anger or repentance, fear or faith, believe in Jesus Christ or not.  As this year slowly draws to a close I want to challenge you all to choose joy!  It may not always be easy to choose joy but it’s so much more rewarding.  

THE FOG HAS LIFTED..IT'S TIME FOR A BATTLE

 

Sometimes I get so wrapped up in me and my thoughts and struggles during this time that I lose focus of others who are struggling.  I know my daughters are struggling with what is going on with Sean, I know Meghan has to be struggling with what is happening.  We are family and we will get through this together with God leading the way.  For 3 months now there has been a fog that has clouded my judgement and my thinking.  I have allowed that fog to permeate my mind.  My thoughts have not been what they usually are and that is causing me troubles until this morning when God brought me to Psalm 40- read it after you're done with this blog.  It changed my heart and my thoughts.

I need to wait patiently on my Lord.  He has heard my cries and my prayers.  He has done so many miracles in my life and the life of my family that I began to doubt His plan, I been to fear that His plan was not my plan...which is true...His plan is not even close to my plan, it's always better.  At least it has been for me.  Even when I doubt, even when I am fearful, He always comes through.  It may not be what I would like but He has always been faithful and I believe He will be faithful in healing Sean.  The thing I kept forgetting to do it raise my sword of the Spirit...the Word of God.

I need to arm myself for battle with the enemy, the deceiver, the liar.  Oh trust me God will fight this battle and He will ultimately win, but I need to arm myself because I cannot stand against the strategies of Satan without the proper armor. I need the belt of God's truth, I need the breastplate of His righteousness, I need the shoes to spread the good news about Jesus, I need a shield of faith knowing God's got me in the palm of His hands, I need the helmet of Salvation...Jesus Christ is my Savior, and I need to wield the sword of the Spirit which is the Word of God...my Bible!!!  God will fight my battles but my responsibility to to put on His armor every day.

I forgot thee things.  I was so caught up in what was going on I lost sight of the impossible...what God is doing in Sean's body and mind and heart.  I will fight on my knees armed for battle with God's Holy armor.  I will not fight a war that He has already won, I surrender myself, Sean and my family to my God and my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.   All I can say is watch out Satan I am now armed and dangerous!!!

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WHAT LOAD ARE YOU CARRYING?

 

My sweet Shelby loves to carry things in her arms.  For the most part she only carries what she can handle but there are occasions that she thinks she can carry a load that is way too big for her.  Life is like that many times in our lives.  We get so used to carry the load that we don’t realize the load is way too much for us to bear.  We get overwhelmed and burdened to the point of collapsing and then we fall apart.  It has happened to me many times especially recently with all that Sean is going through.  I try to find solutions that maybe he doesn’t want to listen to, (I am still his mom) or I try to hide my tears so he doesn’t see me fall apart or I just keep carrying my fears without letting them out because I still believe in miracles and how can I believe in miracles and still have fears and doubts?

I’m human.  I am a believer in Jesus Christ and I know miracles happen every day.  I have experienced them first hand.  But what load am I carrying that God has told me to let go of?  Then I begin to feel overwhelmed because if this is what I’m feeling, what is Sean feeling?   Is he carrying to big of a load?  It’s hard for me to imagine as a mom, watching my son deal with issues I have never dealt with.  I don’t want him carrying a load that he is not designed to carry.  I want to take it all away and carry it myself, but I can’t.   I can’t…BUT GOD can and He will, if we let go of it and give it to Him.

BUT GOD….BUT GOD….BUT GOD

He can make the impossible possible. He can do what only He can do.  He can carry the load we try to carry.  When we place our load, our burdens in His Mighty hands, He does the impossible.  But….we have to do what we can do.  We can’t just sit on the sidelines and hand all our burdens to God without doing our part also.   What can we do?  Pray!  Investigate all the endless possibilities that is out there.  In Sean’s case, there are numerous doctors with numerous opinions, there are natural doctors who rely on God’s healing plants along with medicine, there are so many options to check into BUT GOD…will direct the path if we let Him.  

Life is a journey that takes us down roads we never imagined. BUT GOD…with Him as our GPS system, we can’t make a wrong turn.  I trust in God!   I give Him the load I cannot carry any longer.  I lay my burdens at the foot of the cross and surrender it all to Him!  

THANKSGIVING IN THE MIDST OF A STORM?

 

Thanksgiving in the midst of the storm the enemy is throwing at us?  Is that possible?  YES!!!  It's not only possible for me it's mandatory.  I know my mind and my heart work differently than most people.  I will continue to Praise God in the Storm.  In fact I realize with what my son is going through that it's so very easy to praise God when everything is going great.  When there is no curves on the road I'm traveling, praise comes easy.  When I'm headed towards a cliff, when a hurricane size storm is my reality, praise can be difficult, but it's the only thing that refreshes my soul and gives me the strength and power I need to endure this storm.  Praise....Thanksgiving is my necessity!  It is mandatory for me right now!!

What do I have to be thankful for you may ask?  Well if I may list just a few it would be these things... I am grateful for the doctors who are treating Sean,  I am thankful for the treatments that are helping him, I am thankful this was discovered when it was, but most of all I am so thankful to God for bringing Meghan into Sean's life for such a time as this.  Her faithfulness to God and Sean is something I witness constantly.  Her strength is amazing and her love for Sean I prayed for and to be honest, I am awestruck by her devotion to God and Sean.  These are just a very few things that I am thankful for.  If I would list all the things I have to be thankful for I would be writing the list for years. 

It's so easy to dwell on what's wrong, what's hard, what's difficult.  It's so easy to get lost in the negative.  Yes, there are times, if I am honest, I can get lost in the negative, BUT GOD...reminds me of the blessings in my life.  I could dwell on Sean's prognosis or I can dwell on the healing power of God.  I could dwell in anger at a good God who would do this to my boy, or I can what a blessing Sean is to me.  There are so many choices I get to make in my lifetime and right now I choose to praise God. 

There is something about praising God that just lifts my Spirit and makes my heart happy.  Praise always makes us feel better.  Think about how great you feel when someone gives you a compliment...it makes you feel better doesn't it?  There is something about praising God especially in the midst of a storm.  So tomorrow I will give thanks to God for my son Sean and I will thank God for His continuing healing at work in Sean's body.  I will give thanks for my family; Jerry, Beky, Jeff, Zakkary, Zoey, Amanda, Kelly, Nicholas, Brooklyn, Kristen, Ryan, Sadie, Kyle, Shelby, Sean and Meghan.  

HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO YOU ALL!

 

ROUND ONE—-COMPLETE

 Round one is complete!   Sean got to ring the bell signaling the completion of round one!  While this journey is far from over, this was a good day.  We were able to celebrate one victory!  It was good to rejoice today.  I never thought about the significance of this bell ringing but for me it was awesome to experience with my son and the rest of our family.   Family has taken on a new dimension for us in light of this journey.   To see my daughters take off work to be there for their brother was touching.   I always hoped and prayed that we would be a strong family but we’ve never been tested like this before.  Let me just brag on my children for a moment, indulge me please.  

My daughters set up a go fund me account, they have created and paid for the #SeanStrong bracelets, they have had t-shirts and sweatshirts made and sold to support Sean and Meghan, they have set up meals to be delivered 3 days a week, and they have cooked for them, a grandson made sure their grass was cut, then one of my daughters work hosted a fundraiser.   It has been so heart warming for this momma’s heart to see them all unite in their efforts to help Sean but also unite in prayer.  Every night we pray Psalm 91 for Sean.  I am blown away by their love and support, but to be honest I’m not surprised.   We did our best to raise them to understand that family is extremely important.   

As we all as a family try to gather our thoughts and make plans to celebrate the holidays, my emotions have been on a roller coaster ride.  I can’t lie…some days are difficult then God reminds me that He is in control and I have to keep trusting in Him.  I know this simple truth that I cling to…my God is well aware of what’s going on, He didn’t cause this to happen to Sean but somehow He will work it all out for His glory and my God still heals and performs miracles every day.   My faith has helped me so much during this time, even when I’m struggling with my emotions, God has held me and comforted me through His Holy Spirit.   

I am so grateful to each and every one of you who are praying and helping in any way possible.  So many people stop and ask me about Sean and while his journey is far from over, he has kept smiling and enjoying his new life as a husband.  Please keep praying!   

IT'S OKAY TO NOT ALWAYS BE OKAY

 It's okay to not always be okay.  It's okay to cry.  I don't always have to be "Great" or even "good".  Right now there are days I feel sad and overwhelmed.  That does not mean my faith in God is less it just means that I am in a difficult season of life.  I still have faith that God will perform a miracle and heal Sean, I know He can, but it's just hard watching this process and sitting on the sidelines.  Like I said before, I cannot do anything to make this better.  I cannot wave a magic wand and make this "c" disappear.  I'd like to be able to but God is not a magic Jeannie in a bottle.  He does things His way and in is timing.  I trust in Him, I really do, it's just difficult at times.

The thing I need to watch out for is not to get caught up in this trap of pity and sadness.  That's what the enemy would love for me to do right now.  He wants me overwhelmed with Sean's present circumstances and to be honest occasionally I do that is until I hear that still, small voice whispering in my ear..."I've got Sean in the palm of my hands.  Trust in me.  Surrender Sean to me."  I know God has my son.  I trust in Him but I'm human and I try to change things I have no power to change. So what do I do when I can't change things?  I pray!!!!

Prayer for me, especially right now in this season of my life, it recharges me and reconnects me to the only one who can heal Sean.  Prayer restores my faith and boosts my emotions.  How?  Well read the Bible!  There are so many times God answered the prayers of His faithful believers.  Look at the things He has done that is just documented in the Bible....He parted the Red Sea, He healed the lame and gave sight to the blind.  He made the deaf hear and He healed the lepers.  He also raised the dead.  There is nothing that my God cannot do.

 There are so many people out there going through worse situations than our family.  I cannot imagine what it would be like to go through these trials without my faith in God.  I would be a basket case.  Jerry would have to have me locked up in the looney bin.  But aside from God there are also my family and friends, especially church friends who help to build up my faith, they also allow me to cry on their shoulders.  There are certain friends who check in on me, they are my Jesus with skin on.  Listen most of the time I'm doing fine and enjoying life but there are times when I'm not okay, and that's okay.  Life is a journey of ups and downs.  No matter what I'm going through, God's got me and He always sends His human angels to listen to me and hold me.   It's okay to not always be okay. 

I AM SURROUNDED BY GRACE

Life is short.  None of us know how long we will be alive on this earth.  Why are we wasting so much time being angry, offended and separated from loved ones?  With all Sean has been going through this lesson for me rings so true.  Family and friendships are so important, too important to allow differences to separate us!  

I am Surrounded by grace.

 My girls (yes Meghan is one of my girls.  I didn’t give birth to her but she is my daughter), my granddaughters, my female tribe that surrounds me is a force to be afraid of.  Together we can do mighty things for God and our family.  We have fought sicknesses together, we have praised God together, we have supported each other through many trials and storms.  The thing about these girls is we all stand together.   We may not vote the same, we may not discipline our children the same way, we may not agree on everything except one big thing….WE ARE FAMILY!  The old saying…United we stand, divided we fall is one of my strong beliefs.  

We are family, there will be differences.  God made us all unique.  How boring would life be if everyone was exactly the same?  If everyone believed the same?  If everyone voted the same? If everyone looked the same?  That would be terrible.  But what is also terrible is allowing our differences, our unique qualities, to divide and destroy families and friendships.  Do we really expect everyone to believe as we do?  And if they don’t than we can’t be friends or be around them?  What ever happened to grace?

If God can give us grace and accept us with all our unique quirkiness, why can’t we accept others?  I mean truly, God knows our deepest, darkest secrets.  You know those secrets we try to hide from God and others?  You know those sins we are so ashamed of that we have a hard time even confessing them to God?  He knows them all, He knows us better than we know ourselves.  In fact He knows we’re honing to sin before we do, yet He gives us grace when we believe in His Son Jesus Christ.   If He can give us grace, why can’t we give grace to our family and friends?

I sit back and think about my children and all the mistakes they have made in their lives, yet I give them grace.   Why?  Well they give me grace.  I was not the perfect parent, not even close.  I screwed up, I forgot things I should have remembered, I yelled when I shouldn’t have, and so on and so on.  Life is messy and we are all unique failures.  Why not allow grace to flow through us to other unique failures like ourselves?