FEAST ON THE GOODNESS OF GOD

 

A few days before Sean and Meghan's wedding we decided to get together with the original 6 of us.  Just Jerry and I along with our 4 children.  It was an amazing time I will cherish forever, I think we all will.  The thing that was special about that night was that we sat there for hours reminiscing and laughing until their were tears of joy running down our faces. We talked about the past, we talked about the future, we talked about our life together as a family.  In the midst of Sean's circumstances we rejoiced and celebrated family.  While we celebrated family, while we ate and drank, while we laughed and giggled, I was reminded once again of the goodness of our God.

For some of you I know it can be hard to understand how I can be joyous during this time.  Well....I trust in God!  I have seen His goodness!  I have experienced His faithfulness even in the hard times.  In fact it's in the hard times that I need Him the most and He has never failed me.  His plan and purpose for my life has always been perfect even when I may not understand, I may not want to go through what I'm going through, and I may not even like it...He always comes through.  His goodness and faithfulness has gotten me through some very hard times.  There have been times I have laid face down on the floor in total surrender with tears running down my face onto the carpet, He showed up.  May not always in the way I expected or hoped for, but always in the way I needed Him too.  

So often I can get so caught up in my circumstances that I have lost sight of God.  I rely on myself or other flawed human beings to get me out of my circumstances and it never works out the way I had planned or hoped for.  "What about me?" is a question that gets into my heart sometimes.  That old sinful, selfish nature that creeps into my heart with all it's lies and schemes.  That is the strategy of the enemy in my life.  I can easily look on everything that's going wrong in my life and be overwhelmed and undone by the gravity of it all.  I can look at what I don't have, I can dwell on who has offended me, I can get wrapped up in "What about me?"

BUT GOD...steps in.  Instead of focusing on the wrongs, the wants, the broken dreams...I see His goodness and faithfulness all over my life.  I read about His unfailing love and mercy and I am overwhelmed and undone by His presence in my life.  I see God's love, goodness, and faithfulness every time I look into the eyes of my family.  Sean is going through something I never dreamed could happen but instead of focusing on the disease, I choose to focus on God's goodness and faithfulness.  After all God is still performing miracles.  He still heals and moves mountains.  BUT GOD!!!!       

JUST ANOTHER DAY

 

As I sit here on my back porch I'm enjoying the sunshine.  While I sit here comfortably breathing in the fresh air, my son is having his treatment.  It's sort of an odd feeling for me being here relaxed while he's going through what he's going through.  There's almost a guilty feeling that takes over me occasionally.   I don't like that guilty feeling.  I wish I could take his place but I can't.  As a mom it can be a helpless feeling watching your child go through something like this.  As a mom it can become overwhelming to the point that you may want to scream and cry.  I don't understand myself sometimes, because I don't feel overwhelmed.  I can't explain what I feel in terms many may not understand but just let me say this...my strength comes from my faith and belief in Jesus Christ. 

Yesterday at prayer there were lades there who were struggling with so many issues; medical issues, family issues, stress and fear.  Tears were being shed as they talked and I wondered why I always have felt so different.  I don't cry that often.  In fact it's sort of strange to me because when people talk about how overwhelmed they are by the things happening around them, I get excited.  I start thinking to myself .... "What's God gonna do through this situation?"  There have been times at have laughed at stressful situations because I can actually picture God at work in the situation in ways many of us never even imagined in our wildest dreams.

I know I'm different.  I even contacted one of my friends who joins us in prayer and asked her, "Is there something wrong with me?"  She actually laughed because she feels the same way occasionally.  Well at least I'm not alone.  Anyway in diving into my personality God revealed to me that the faith I have in Him is unique in many ways.  You see I hear Him talk with me through the power of the Holy Spirit.  I feel His presence within me and I know that no matter what happens in my life, He's with me.  I've seen Him move mountains in my life.  I've seen Him fight the enemy and win my battles for me.  I've seen the power of God on display many times.

Sean is in a battle that I cannot fight, neither can Sean.  God is the only one who can fight this battle and win.  God is the only one who knows the final outcome and I have placed my faith in Him because what is impossible with man, is possible with God. If God is for us, who dare be against us?  My faith rests in the one who is ALMIGHTY, EVERLASTING GOD! He can move the immovable, break the unbreakable!  I believe for it!!

AND SO IT BEGINS.....

 

Last week Sean started chemo and radiation to zap this diabolical junk to oblivion.  I actually picture a James Bond 007 gadget annihilating  all the cancer cells.  Or I also imagine PacMan eating all the cancer cells.  Imagination and our thoughts also have a great effect on how these treatments work.  Our mind is a very powerful tool that can be used to heal and restore health.  I'm sure you've heard people who commonly use the line; "I'm sick and tired of..." and if you take time to notice they usually are sick and tired physically.  Stress and our thoughts can determine our health.  I will not say, "Sean has c-----."  I will say "Sean has Christ!"  No matter what illness or disease I have, I will not make that part of my identity.  Sean has a wife named Meghan.  Sean has accepted Jesus Christ as his Savior.  Sean has 3 sisters and 3 brothers (in-law).  Sean has 3 nephews and 4 nieces.  Sean has a mom and dad who pray for his healing numerous times a day.  Sean will be healed in Jesus' Name!

While some won't agree with my rationality, that's okay.  This is the way my mind thinks and I thank God every day for renewing my mind.  While I could easily fall into a really good pity party, I refuse to.  I will not allow my thoughts to go down a path that God doesn't want me to go.  My reality is different than others.  My focus is on God and His healing powers.  My strength comes from Him.  My faith isn't in what the doctors can do, it's in what God can do through the doctors and also through nature.  God has gifted this world with healing herbs and plants that I can use for healing.  God has given us the proper food we can eat to restore our health and heal us internally. 

The journey to health can take us all on many different paths.  Doctors and medicine along with many natural products and the food we eat can work together to improve health.  What we eat, the air we breathe, our thoughts and how we live can all have major impacts on our health.   What we watch on TV, what we listen to and read can all have a great impact on our physical and mental health. Our whole body and every cell in our body is renewed daily.  God has given our body the power to heal itself in many ways.  It just takes determination and focus.  God has given us medicinal plants and herbs that the Indians used to promote healing.  I love the fact that there are healing herbs and plants that grow all around us but few of us know about them.  

While Sean goes through this process we continue to pray for wisdom and discernment, for healing and restored health, and for strength and recovery.  Thank you for all of your prayers.  Please continue to pray for Sean and Meghan. 

CAUGHT IN A STORM

 

Have you ever been caught in a storm where you felt like your life was in danger?  Maybe a tornado or a hurricane?  I don't ever remember a tornado I experienced first hand, I heard many horror stories of people who survived these kinds of storms.  But there are so many different types of storms we can experience, weather rrielated storms, emotional storms, mental storms and physical storms.  I have lived through many of each of these, in fact as you know I am watching my son live through one now.  The thing I cling to during these stormy times in my life is that I am going through them.  I'm not stuck in the middle of a hurricane for the rest of my life, I get through it.  

Storms are not easy to maneuver through whether it's weather related or personal.  It can be very challenging to live through but when I focus on what's ahead I can get through it, sometimes without a scar, sometimes with numerous scars.  The thing I love to remember about storms is it's something I have to go through in life.  If life was easy with no storms, no bumps in the road, I wouldn't need God. How can I grow if I never face challenges?  How can I learn if everything I need is placed in front of me?  

Right now in this stormy season in my life  stay focused on the here and now.  This present day is a present.  It is a gift that I get to enjoy with my God and my family.  I celebrate every single day now.  I focus on getting through this situation.  I focus on getting Sean healthy and staying healthy for the rest of his life.  It may not seem like much but for me it's a lot.  That means for me...getting through...means a lot of praying and an enormous amount of trust in God.  I truthfully don't know how people go through this kind of medical storm with no faith in God. I know I would not want to endure this without my faith and belief in Jesus Christ.  I would not be able to go through this without knowing God has a plan and a purpose.    

"Only a fool says there is no God!" Psalms 14:1  

This storm is a process that I am going through and eventually I will come out after the storm to see His promises fulfilled.  I am going through.  With God on my side, I will come out of this storm stronger and more confident in His faithfulness.

COMMUNITY

 

This is what a true Godly community looks like!  On Saturday we had an event to help a family in need of financial support for the future medical needs. For weeks we met and planned this event.  People volunteered endless hours and days to go around to businesses.  People volunteered their gifting's to make this a reality.  People gave from their hearts and their wallets.  It was heart warming yet very humbling to be a part of.  As I watched this all start to come together I was truly seeing what could happen when we all unite for a common cause.  It wasn't just our church body, it was friends, neighbors and family members who joined together to try to meet the needs of this family.  This is what a truly Godly community looks like.

Before the event began we gathered around the family and prayed over them.  There was not a dry eye in the place.  It was awesome, radical and life changing for me because at that very moment when I snapped these photos, I saw the glory of God present in that American Legion Hall.  I saw God's amazing love present with us as we prayed.  As we joined hands together there was only love.

Volunteers from all over worked wherever needed.  We had some last minute changes in volunteer needs because of sicknesses, but everyone stepped up and stepped in.  "I'll go where ever I'm needed" was repeated over and over and over by every volunteer.  There was one guy who washed dishes all night and yes his hands were wrinkled up prunes by the time the night was over.  But we heard no complaints, no grumbling, no whining.  Everyone just loved on this family and gave with grateful hearts.  It was beautiful.

I saw God show up in ways I never imagined.  I saw financial blessings for this family, I saw one friend fly in from Florida just to be there for them, I saw so many God moments I was amazed.  Why am I always amazed by God's special encounters?  You'd think I'd be used to it by now but I'm not.  I never want to take God's special moments for granted because they are always such a powerful blessing to me.  God moments, God encounters happen for me when I totally surrender myself.  When I raise my hands in praise during worship, the tears flow from my eyes because I know He is there with me.  When I pray every night before I go to sleep, I have peace because I know He is there.  Even in the stress of a diagnosis I don't want to hear about my son, God is with me giving me His strength, His power and His peace.  I know this is true for this family too. 

Community that gathers together to help others in crisis...God is there!

PEACE IN THE MIDST OF A STORM

 

Peace...ah sweet peace!  A peace that surpasses all understanding.  How can peace reign in my heart with this storm happening around me?  How can I possibly enjoy my life in the midst of uncertainty?  Why am I not living in a state of severe depression?  Why am I not crying a bucket of tears?  Truthfully there are days I want to cry not a bucket of tears but a river of tears.  I want to scream and shout from the mountain tops.  Why God why?  Then I hear the tender whisper of a still, small voice calming my every fear, my every doubt..."I am with you and I am with Sean.  I've got this.  Trust in me!  Hope in me!  Surrender your son into my hands.  What is impossible with man is possible with Me!"

How can I not be full of peace?  It's not my peace that I have right now, it is the peace of God which surpasses all human understanding.  My heart is filled with joy as I watch my son and his new wife.  My heart is full of gratitude for the love I see in both of their eyes.  My family is stronger than ever.  Joined in prayer and unity to fight this battle with Sean and Meghan.  United we stand, divided we fall.  We will not allow the enemy to defeat us in the storm.  His plan is to get us so distracted that we lose our focus...Not Today Satan!!!  You will not win!

While I do not always understand God's will for our lives, I do not always agree with His plan, I may even pray against His plan, but no matter what, His plan with prevail!  The thing is many of us have lost our faith and belief that God still heals.  Yes even with todays modern medicine...God still does the miraculous, the unbelievable, and the unexplainable.  Doctors become baffled and often cannot explain what happened.  Doctors become confused and bewildered when test results show the impossible.  

My faith is in God.  He will do what only He can do in the midst of a storm.  "Be still and know that I am God!"  That is one of my battle cries right now.  Continue to pray for Sean, his faith and confidence is so encouraging.  I love you all and your continued prayers and support lift us up.   

IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH

They knew the uphill battle they were facing when they said "I do"  They knew that "in sickness and in health" was true for them right now.  They knew that "in good times and bad" was something they were facing right now.  But that didn't matter.  Their love is very deep!  Meghan is the lady that Jerry and I prayed for for Sean.  Little did we know how much Sean would need her.  She is strong!  She is faithful!  She is a Jesus girl!  She love my son more than I could have ever dreamed.  When other women would have run away when facing the battle they do, she stayed!  She is fierce and determined to experience a future with Sean.  She prays and prays and prays some more.  She is his dream come true.

None of us know what life will throw at us.  Our minds and our heart will determine how we will handle the situations we are given.  We can be pitiful or powerful.  We can be angry or merciful.  We can be hateful or loving.  Either way we have a choice to make and the condition of our heart determines how we will act and react.  I have seen a lot of angry people recently, also a lot of depressed people.  This saddens me deeply because for the most part we can change our thoughts and control our actions and reactions.  We can decide to embrace life and love others or we can fight tooth and nail with others.  We can fall into a pool of despair or we can focus on Jesus Christ.

While it would be easy for me to fall into a pit of despair, I have decided not to.  I choose to look at the good.  I choose to live for today and embrace the blessings I have been given.  I want to cherish each and every moment I have been given.  I want to love every person I come across whether I agree with them or not.  I will not dwell on the news reports nor listen to any negative stuff.  I will not dwell in the past, I will not dwell on what is wrong in this world.  It's a choice!  

I remember one Deacon I heard talk about love....."Love is a decision.  Every day you wake up you have a choice to make, I choose to love." 

"When life throws you lemons, make lemonade!'  This saying is so true.  God has blessed me with the gift of choice and I choose life!  I choose love!  I choose forgiveness!  I choose mercy!   I choose Jesus Christ!  Why would I waste my life angry, bitter or depressed?  Why would I want that stress and anxiety in my life?  Jesus Christ does still heal!  His words speak life and hope!  He could run away from me with all my sins and struggles but He doesn't.  He is fierce!  He is strong!  He is faithful!  Now you see where Meghan gets it from...Jesus Christ.  

If you do not know Jesus Christ I challenge you to message me so I can tell you more about my Savior.  You'll never regret living life with Him but you will regret living life without Him.   

FINDING MY JOY AGAIN

 

I can honestly say that last week I lost my joy.  I lost my focus.  I lost my hope.  It has nothing really to do with my faith it's just repeating Sean's condition over and over and over became very overwhelming.  I know people mean well and they just want to know and usually I'm okay but for some reason it all became too much for me.  I stopped listening to praise music, I didn't read my Bible, I just lost my joy.  That is until my pastor started preaching on the book of James.  My friend Bonnie (who is going through similar circumstance only with her spouse) and I looked at each other and said, "Oh boy here we go."

You see if you've never read the book of James in the Bible, one of the first statements is "Consider it joy when you go through trials."  Okay I know I've talked about this in this blog before but this time it's different because I am going through a trial and so is Bonnie.  Do I want to be joyful?  Heck yes I do!  Can I be joyful right now?  I should be so what's my problem?  My problem is simple...I disconnected from the source of my joy...Jesus Christ.  Instead I listened to the voice of the enemy filling my head with lies and doubts and fears.  I became weak and Satan knew it.  He bombarded me with his agenda.  I lost focus.

When people asked me how I was doing, I'd say, "I'm doing okay." Now that answer isn't a bad answer but it is a weak one for me.  I don't want my words to be wind, whipped, whiney or weak.  I want my words to speak of God's enormous power.  Why would I not speak with power?   What was wrong with me?  I lost my joy and I lost my focus.  I can honestly say I felt pitiful and for me that is wrong!!!!!  

A few weeks ago one of my best friends went to give me a hug with tears in her eyes and she truthfully wanted to express her sympathy about the situation.  Since she's a dear friend I know I could do this...."I put up my hands and told her to stop.  I don't need tears, I don't need sympathy, I need strength, I need God's power at work in me.   She instantly knew what I was talking about and yes, we're still friends.   I knew she meant well, I knew she was just concerned but I need uplifting talk, positive talk.  She knows that about me, especially now.  LOL!

Anyway how can I have joy when life isn't going the way I expected?  How can I not have joy?  I have an amazing Savior named Jesus Christ who loves me and forgives me.  I have an awesome husband who loves my quirky ways.  I have 8 hilarious and fun children (4 are my biological children and 4 are their spouses whom I consider my children).  I have 7 grandchildren who are all quirky like me but in very different ways.  God is till in the miracle working business.  Sean is married to an amazing young lady who loves him to the moon and back.    I am blessed.

My joy is back!  My hope is back!  My focus is back!  

Thanks Pastor Brandon for getting me back on track!

REALITY HITS ME WHERE I NEVER EXPECTED

 

August 27th, 2021 is a day I will never forget.  When I received a phone call saying they were going to operate on Sean's brain I thought I was going to faint at first.  My heart started pounding so loud I could hear it.  My thoughts started to jumble up in my own brain.  What was happening?  How could this be?  Was I still dreaming?  Or was I in the middle of a nightmare waiting to be awaken?  This had to be a cruel joke.  This was not reality, was it?  It was not a joke it was real.  Now I had to call his sisters....not an easy task at 6:45 in the morning.  I kept my composure for the most part, but I was numb.  I didn't have time to fall apart, I didn't have time to cry, my son needed me, my daughters needed me, my family needed me to be strong, so I clung to Jesus Christ for my strength because I truthfully couldn't be strong in my own power, I needed His power at work in me.

As we drove to the hospital, Jerry and I prayed the whole way there.  We listened to worship music and God began a series of whispers to me that carried me through what could have been a very dark time.  "I've got this!  I have a plan!  Trust in Me!"  This was one of the first whispers I heard.  A great faith welled up in me that is hard for me to explain to you.  But I knew that no matter what the diagnosis was, no matter what the prognosis was, God had a plan and His plan would not fail. 

His sisters immediately called off work and cancelled all their plans to be by Sean's side.  His fiancé (now his wife) Meghan never left his side except to eat and once and a while she went home to shower.  I was instantly comforted by my family!  Just the sight of all of us all standing there supporting Sean through this was breathtaking and overwhelming.  We gathered together with Meghan's family and ours to pray over Sean.  The nurses there were outstanding even though there was only supposed to be 2 at a time, they allowed us all back there, all 9 of us. The nurses even fibbed to the doctor so that Meghan and Sean could get married in a quick ceremony before the surgery.  This made this momma's heart so proud and so grateful.  

Sean's surgery was about 2 hours and the news was what the doctors had thought but we awaited the official results which ended up taking almost 4 weeks to get the complete picture.  We have an official diagnosis but I will not go into detail because like I said in the last blog....BUT GOD!  In my heart and from the whispers from God Himself, I know He has Sean in the palm of His hands.  He has a plan.  God is still a miracle worker, a way maker.  He is still the Lord who heals, Jehovah-Rapha!  He is the cure Sean needs.  Jesus Christ took our sins to the cross but He also took all our sicknesses and diseases with Him to the cross.  By His stripes we are healed.

2 weeks later, Meghan and Sean had a beautiful wedding ceremony and went on a honeymoon to New York City.  Sean's scars are healed now and his hair has grown back.  Now we look forward to the treatments that will begin shortly.  But no matter what comes our way...BUT GOD!!