It's okay to not always be okay. It's okay to cry. I don't always have to be "Great" or even "good". Right now there are days I feel sad and overwhelmed. That does not mean my faith in God is less it just means that I am in a difficult season of life. I still have faith that God will perform a miracle and heal Sean, I know He can, but it's just hard watching this process and sitting on the sidelines. Like I said before, I cannot do anything to make this better. I cannot wave a magic wand and make this "c" disappear. I'd like to be able to but God is not a magic Jeannie in a bottle. He does things His way and in is timing. I trust in Him, I really do, it's just difficult at times.
The thing I need to watch out for is not to get caught up in this trap of pity and sadness. That's what the enemy would love for me to do right now. He wants me overwhelmed with Sean's present circumstances and to be honest occasionally I do that is until I hear that still, small voice whispering in my ear..."I've got Sean in the palm of my hands. Trust in me. Surrender Sean to me." I know God has my son. I trust in Him but I'm human and I try to change things I have no power to change. So what do I do when I can't change things? I pray!!!!
Prayer for me, especially right now in this season of my life, it recharges me and reconnects me to the only one who can heal Sean. Prayer restores my faith and boosts my emotions. How? Well read the Bible! There are so many times God answered the prayers of His faithful believers. Look at the things He has done that is just documented in the Bible....He parted the Red Sea, He healed the lame and gave sight to the blind. He made the deaf hear and He healed the lepers. He also raised the dead. There is nothing that my God cannot do.
There are so many people out there going through worse situations than our family. I cannot imagine what it would be like to go through these trials without my faith in God. I would be a basket case. Jerry would have to have me locked up in the looney bin. But aside from God there are also my family and friends, especially church friends who help to build up my faith, they also allow me to cry on their shoulders. There are certain friends who check in on me, they are my Jesus with skin on. Listen most of the time I'm doing fine and enjoying life but there are times when I'm not okay, and that's okay. Life is a journey of ups and downs. No matter what I'm going through, God's got me and He always sends His human angels to listen to me and hold me. It's okay to not always be okay.
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