Ephesians 1:11 It's in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living,
For a very long time I wondered who I was and what I was living for. I never have been one to make a list of goals to accomplish in my life. I never went to college and quiet frankly, never wanted to. For most of my life I sat confused and bewildered. I never had much ambition or that "go get em" mentality. For a very long time I have watched Jerry make lists, set goals, read books on successful sales techniques and learn all he could on sales. It was his job and he wanted to be the best at what he did. He had a mission to work hard and learn all he could so that he could provide a nice living for us so I could stay home and raise our children. Jerry knew who he was and what he was working for. He also knew what he was living for because he was heavily involved in our church and prayed and believed. I actually envied him for that. I know envy is wrong but I always thought that being so structured, so disciplined, so goal oriented was amazing. I wanted to be like that. I wanted to be able to get on the phone to be able to make sales calls like he did. I tried once! To say I hated it would be an understatement. I sat around for many, many years wondering who I was and what I was living for. "Just a mom" seemed like nothing really that important. Changing diapers, feeding children, yelling at them and disciplining them just didn't seem like anything to brag about. I remember going to a work function with Jerry or some other meeting and trying to carry on a conversation with another lady who happen to be in the work force and when I said I was a stay at home mom, I felt dumb. "Oh so you don't work" is the response I usually got.
Being the type of person I am, I easily got offended by these types or responses. I felt like a nothing, a nobody and a loser. Why did God make me this way? Why didn't I at least have some sewing skills like my sister? Why didn't He give me so gifts and talents like the other women I met? I tried to sew, didn't like it. I tried to knit, boring. Then one day I turned on the TV and Joyce Meyer was talking. First of all seeing a woman talking about God on TV seemed strange to me. There were no women priests and I had never heard another woman talk about God before, let alone on TV. I was intrigued. She talked about gifts and talents I never dreamed of. She talked about how miserable she felt because she was so different than other women. I really related to her. She spoke straight to my heart. God gave me the answer I had been searching for. I wasn't living for anyone else but Him! I realized that Jerry gifts are much different than mine. I realized that my gifts are different than anyone elses. Instead of trying to be someone I was not, instead of worrying about what others thought of me, I turned to the Bible and got the first dose of reality.
I am living for Jesus Christ! I found out who I was by reading that Bible and listening to Joyce Meyer. Yes God spoke to me through the words He gave her. That changed me and I became more confident in who I am and who I was living for. For the first time in my life I remembered how I loved to write. So I started writing and haven't stopped. As a mom, I realized that I had one of the most important jobs ever. I raised 4 wonderful children (with the help of Jerry). They are the greatest source of blessings in my life. I am glad I did what God created me to do. I may not be a scholar or a college graduate but I am a mom and a meemaw. For so many years I let others define me but no longer. I am who God says I am. I found out who I am in Christ and who I am living for is Christ. Instead of focusing on who others expect me to be or who others want me to be, I have chosen to be who God called me to be.
Whether anyone else approves of me or not, whether anyone else likes me or not, I am a follower of Jesus Christ and I have chosen to do this blog because God called me to do it. I am tired of trying to live up to other peoples standards for me and tired of feeling judged by others. For a while now I have lived in a state of feeling inadequate. You know that state of feeling sort of blah. I don't know why, I don't know what causes it, but it's there like a thorn in my side, just festering and picking at me. I have been asking God what I need to do to remove this feeling and get my smile back. I am a work in progress and God is helping me. As long I stay focused on who I am and who I am living for, I will come out on top and better than I was before. No power of hell will ever remove the blessing of Jesus Christ in my life.
May you learn to live for Christ and may you realize who you are in Christ, in Jesus name I pray, amen!
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