I can honestly say that last week I lost my joy. I lost my focus. I lost my hope. It has nothing really to do with my faith it's just repeating Sean's condition over and over and over became very overwhelming. I know people mean well and they just want to know and usually I'm okay but for some reason it all became too much for me. I stopped listening to praise music, I didn't read my Bible, I just lost my joy. That is until my pastor started preaching on the book of James. My friend Bonnie (who is going through similar circumstance only with her spouse) and I looked at each other and said, "Oh boy here we go."
You see if you've never read the book of James in the Bible, one of the first statements is "Consider it joy when you go through trials." Okay I know I've talked about this in this blog before but this time it's different because I am going through a trial and so is Bonnie. Do I want to be joyful? Heck yes I do! Can I be joyful right now? I should be so what's my problem? My problem is simple...I disconnected from the source of my joy...Jesus Christ. Instead I listened to the voice of the enemy filling my head with lies and doubts and fears. I became weak and Satan knew it. He bombarded me with his agenda. I lost focus.
When people asked me how I was doing, I'd say, "I'm doing okay." Now that answer isn't a bad answer but it is a weak one for me. I don't want my words to be wind, whipped, whiney or weak. I want my words to speak of God's enormous power. Why would I not speak with power? What was wrong with me? I lost my joy and I lost my focus. I can honestly say I felt pitiful and for me that is wrong!!!!!
A few weeks ago one of my best friends went to give me a hug with tears in her eyes and she truthfully wanted to express her sympathy about the situation. Since she's a dear friend I know I could do this...."I put up my hands and told her to stop. I don't need tears, I don't need sympathy, I need strength, I need God's power at work in me. She instantly knew what I was talking about and yes, we're still friends. I knew she meant well, I knew she was just concerned but I need uplifting talk, positive talk. She knows that about me, especially now. LOL!
Anyway how can I have joy when life isn't going the way I expected? How can I not have joy? I have an amazing Savior named Jesus Christ who loves me and forgives me. I have an awesome husband who loves my quirky ways. I have 8 hilarious and fun children (4 are my biological children and 4 are their spouses whom I consider my children). I have 7 grandchildren who are all quirky like me but in very different ways. God is till in the miracle working business. Sean is married to an amazing young lady who loves him to the moon and back. I am blessed.
My joy is back! My hope is back! My focus is back!
Thanks Pastor Brandon for getting me back on track!
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