Where have I been? I know you're all wondering where I've been. Well my 90 year old mom, who lives out in Arizona, had to have a pacemaker put in so I had to rush out to be with her and help her and I left my computer at home so I could spend quality time with her and help her in her recovery. I'm home now and home has never felt so good. While I cherish the times I get to spend with my mom, I missed my family. Especially with what's gong on with Sean, my family has become more important to me in a way I never imagined. While I was away I missed out on a fundraiser my daughter's work did for Sean but thanks to technology I was able to watch it live. Jerry survived without me for 2 weeks...barely. Now it's time to get back to writing.
I've heard people say God doesn't give you more than you can handle but I strongly disagree with that. He does give you more than you can handle so that you rely on Him to do what only He can do. You see, I cannot heal my son. I cannot take away his pain. I cannot give him the energy or strength he needs to get through this, BUT GOD can. I cannot give my 90 year old mother the stamina she needs to recover from this BUT GOD can. I cannot physically force my 90 year old mother to move back home to Michigan where most of her family is BUT GOD can convince her to. I cannot go through this life in my own strength. Oh I can try, and trust me I have and it never works out good.
Let me be totally honest....I could and would not want to go through what I am going though without God's strength and without my faith that I have in Him! It's hard being 1,700 miles away from my 90 year old mother. It's hard watching my son go through a battle for his life. It's hard watching his brand new wife deal with what they are both going through. It's hard watching my daughters deal with all of this, watching their baby brother struggle. It's hard!!! It's difficult!!! It sucks!! It's not fair!!! These thoughts can race through my head and draw me to tears. Life is not easy and right now I am broken and overwhelmed.
BUT GOD....shows up and overwhelms me with His strength and His power. My faith is renewed and energized by His unfailing love and grace. BUT GOD...reminds me daily of all the people He has healed throughout all of history. BUT GOD...makes the lame walk, the blind see, the deaf hear, and He has raised the dead back to life. What is impossible with man is possible with God. BUT GOD...can heal Sean. BUT GOD...can convince my mom. BUT GOD...has collected every tear I have shed. BUT GOD...has wrapped His loving arms around me every time I come to Him broken and overwhelmed.
Funny thing is, well I think it's funny, when I usually break down and cry....it's in a church service during worship music. And it's not always because I'm sad, it has been often been because God has been so good to me, He has blessed me in so many ways that I feel unworthy to stand in His presence and sing His praises. My joy also brings me to tears but I often don't always let others see that side of me because I need to be strong for Sean and my daughters. I need to be strong for my mom. I need to be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. I will daily put on the armor of God and allow His to fight for Sean and my mom in ways I cannot. BUT GOD...is good and He is faithful and He still performs miracles.
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