I'm sorry I haven't been writing. It has honestly been a huge struggle for me. The last few years my mind has been distracted, my heart has felt sort of empty so writing this blog just didn't work for me. I've felt sort of lost when it came to writing. Words still managed to come out of my mouth, but to put them in writing seemed impossible. I can't explain it and I can't excuse it. God has been telling me too keep writing but I just couldn't or maybe I should be honest with myself and say I just didn't want to. Maybe I should call it "burn out" or laziness or disobedience. Either way I have been struggling to write, but here I am right now, writing.
I can make a list of excuses but it doesn't change the fact that I have disobeyed God's whispers. It's not the first time I disobeyed God and I know I'm not alone. I am a sinner in a fallen and broken world. It really makes me mad at myself because I feel like I've been wasting time, but maybe I've got the wrong attitude. Could it be that God decided to use my disobedience to teach me something? Of course!!! God has a sense of humor, especially when it comes to me. He chooses to allow me to learn at my own expense, which is rather a genius move on His part. There is nothing He needs to do except sit back and watch me be my own worst enemy.
It's sort of funny as I'm sitting here writing I am starting to laugh at myself and the absolute hilarious way God tries to get my attention. He has spoken to me through a dear friend who challenges me to listen and obey, He speaks to me through my pastor who challenges me to keep growing and learning to be a better disciple, He speaks to me through dreams and visions. Although I have tried to ignore these whispers, which at times seemed like I was being hit by a 2x4 across my head, I couldn't ignore them any longer. So here I am doing my thing and writing again. I'd say "Wish me luck" but I don't need luck. I need grace and mercy and forgiveness. I need more of Jesus.
Honestly I haven't read my Bible in long time. I keep walking past my desk and thinking, "maybe later" or "maybe tomorrow". Why???? Why do I do that? The Bible is the best love letter ever written and it was written with me in mind. While some women feel the need to read romance novels, I don't need to because the Bible is a romance novel from the God of the universe. I need to stop walking by the book that changed my life, my heart, my mind, my words and my eternity. Oh boy is God dealing with me right now. My heart is longing for His Word, His truth, His love letter. Let's be honest, who doesn't like a great love letter? I know I do and I'm assuming you do too!
It's been great writing to you again. When I started this earlier, I didn't think I'd be able to finish it, but I did!!! I feel more energized than I have in a long time. Thank you for your patience with me and allowing me to open my heart to you.
I can make a list of excuses but it doesn't change the fact that I have disobeyed God's whispers. It's not the first time I disobeyed God and I know I'm not alone. I am a sinner in a fallen and broken world. It really makes me mad at myself because I feel like I've been wasting time, but maybe I've got the wrong attitude. Could it be that God decided to use my disobedience to teach me something? Of course!!! God has a sense of humor, especially when it comes to me. He chooses to allow me to learn at my own expense, which is rather a genius move on His part. There is nothing He needs to do except sit back and watch me be my own worst enemy.
It's sort of funny as I'm sitting here writing I am starting to laugh at myself and the absolute hilarious way God tries to get my attention. He has spoken to me through a dear friend who challenges me to listen and obey, He speaks to me through my pastor who challenges me to keep growing and learning to be a better disciple, He speaks to me through dreams and visions. Although I have tried to ignore these whispers, which at times seemed like I was being hit by a 2x4 across my head, I couldn't ignore them any longer. So here I am doing my thing and writing again. I'd say "Wish me luck" but I don't need luck. I need grace and mercy and forgiveness. I need more of Jesus.
Honestly I haven't read my Bible in long time. I keep walking past my desk and thinking, "maybe later" or "maybe tomorrow". Why???? Why do I do that? The Bible is the best love letter ever written and it was written with me in mind. While some women feel the need to read romance novels, I don't need to because the Bible is a romance novel from the God of the universe. I need to stop walking by the book that changed my life, my heart, my mind, my words and my eternity. Oh boy is God dealing with me right now. My heart is longing for His Word, His truth, His love letter. Let's be honest, who doesn't like a great love letter? I know I do and I'm assuming you do too!
It's been great writing to you again. When I started this earlier, I didn't think I'd be able to finish it, but I did!!! I feel more energized than I have in a long time. Thank you for your patience with me and allowing me to open my heart to you.
For me this is great to hear from you Sis. Absolutely, things continue to change hear on earth, and we seem to do the same and do, Kind of like a roller coaster.
ReplyDeleteWe go up and down and up and down, and all around. God remains settled and balanced in the middle of this teeter totter I am using to see truth over error of life here on earth.
God is calling to us all to turn to him willing and come to him willingly and have a seat with him, in the center of this Teeter Totter and view everyone else going up and down as we have done and might do again.
Apostle Paul tells us about this in 2 Cor. 12:1-7 How he was caught up in the third Heaven, whether in his body or not he does not know, and saw, WOW! how he could not tell us anymore,
Then went into about himself to us to see to see that we do what is said ourselves in verses 7-10, At least he was told to speak this, for us to turn to Father and Son that is risen for us to know truth over error.
Me Sis, been there and am there and am not there too. Being in wonderment, hearing thoughts of the enemy that does it's best to get us in thought(s) of our walk. Which I see takes us out of trust to God Father of in Risen Son for us to just walk new in without thought of.
2 Cor. 10:5 tells me about taking all thought captive, to the obedience of Christ.
What was is the obedience of Christ?
As I search, searched, I see he did nothing of self, said nothing of self, just walked by Faith was The example to us, how to be true.
Even as told to us in Rom 1:16-17
I am seeing how much I get in the way, and whether I am or not in the way, the one that opposes God and Son the one and only true God. Will use anything and everything to deceive us.
Even anyone that will not quit belief to God, WHAT?????????
How??????
By others not hearing others, and when others do hear others, neither one might not remember to take all , everything to Father in prayer in belief of risen Son to lead them in all truth.
As you said how you now see the Bible messages as one gigantic LOVE Story from Father to us all in risen Sone where new life begins in each that have turned to Father willingly, will see after Satan attacks as he did in Job for Job to not believe, but Job stayed steadfast in belief to see. See the end of the book of Job.
I see it this way now, I do not know how, I do not know when, I do not care to go after to see either one now. I do carry on to stay here in this present second of life given me. Trusting in God to see me through any and all adversities.
The same as you have now and continue to see he does not forsake us ever, that is what turned, turns me to stand in trust, no matter what. Whew and as you I have been through the Cuisinart. Drained of all my first birth blood. as dead. God restored me and you and you and each person in belief that will not quit belief
We get filled new in the risen Son's blood for us to walk new in and stand no matter what comes up against us.
Even as Stephan did this in Acts, we get to do this too, does not mean we have to, It means we are willing to.
Love from Father in Son that is risen where new life is given after his death first took away all sin for all, To turn to him for new life.
As we all get to go through this valley of death on earth to see to fear no evil. Suffering and shame being our guides, We begin and grow hinds feet. Then we are able to skip across the mountains with him in belief we stand, not of works, for if by works, then I, you and many have reasons to boast, but not before God at all.